There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
