Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
