the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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