i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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