i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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