is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you win again, gameday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
