My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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