I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
