My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
