I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
