Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
