I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize