just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
