Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
