I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
