I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
