Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
