Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
