The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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