I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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