i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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