My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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