but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
