i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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