listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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