yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
