I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
