from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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