so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
