Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
