My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
