We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
