I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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