It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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