her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
