Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
