Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
