You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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