according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
