im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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