It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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