i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize