to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
