Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
its liver damage thursday
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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