So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
