dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
did i just pee glitter
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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