he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Shame - the story of my life.
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