i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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