i think my mom watched the whole time
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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