she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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