Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
