The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
