You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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