its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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