don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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