that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
