youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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