Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
