you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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