I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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