Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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