got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
