Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
