I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
