perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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