he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
