I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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