It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
