dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
