Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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