Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's shark week go big or go home
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
