Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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