You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
