Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
