I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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